thatsphat

NO, seriously, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I’ve been really good about staying on plan; having a loss on the scale every week for the past almost 8 weeks. And then, school started this past Monday. I’ve been going over my POINTS everyday. I eat just to eat and while I’ve still been going to the gym like regular, I’m still eating enough to gain.

Now, a little bit about my school: It’s a full-time job and then some. People go there to do bangin’ work, and build bangin’ portfolios and consequently, get a bangin job. It’s expensive. It’s time-consuming—so much so, that you feel guilty doing regular things like, oh, watching TV or even going out for a drink on Friday. And don’t even ask me what it feels like to have an actual weekend or an active social life.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love what I do.  I wanted this and I made a huge leap of faith quitting my job, packing up and moving to ATL. And, I’m glad I did. I’m looking at the bigger picture and willing to sacrifice now to reap the benefits later. In six months I should be done.

So, now onto my problem…

Since I’ve been so good at planning what I eat, it’s been much easier to notice when I’m doing something UNplanned. I figured out that every time I sit down to sketch something or attempt to begin a project, I end up in the kitchen stuffing my face. I get on the computer to open up Illustrator and I end up on MySpace, or Yahoo, or some random website—but mostly, I end up snacking on something.

I’ve really been thinking about why I’m doing this and the only thing I can come up with is that I think I’m scared. There are a lot of people at my school that do some amazing work. Often times I feel inferior; I feel like my work never gets up to their level. While I’d like to think I don’t stress about things to the point that it’s bad for me, I’ll just say I’ve been “actively concerned” about these new classes. It’s my last chance to do some great work before I enter my grad quarter. And, again, I’m somewhat actively concerned that I won’t get a chance to interview with the great firms I want to work with because my work might be subpar.

So, I’m sitting here at my desk looking at all the work I have to do and writing this blog post instead of binging again (oh please believe my tail has been to the kitchen one too many times today lol). I mean help me out here…it’s not like I’m thinking “oh, I’m nervous about this project—even though there’s nothing even written/drawn on paper—so I’m going to go eat.” What’s wrong with me?

Didn’t realize it had been so long since I wrote a post. I guess when things are going well, you tend to forget what’s helping you do well in the first place.

I’ll do a long update in a bit; right now I just want to go take a nap. I’ve been snacking unnecessarily all week, and I just ate about 38 POINTS in the past 2 hours (Damn you, Krispy Kreme lol). I’m soooo not looking forward to weigh-in tomorrow morning. I’ve lost every week for the past 6 weeks at least, and I’m reeeeally really reeeeeeeeally not looking forward to seeing that number. I’ll be super upset if I’m in the 290s again. And just as I dropped my first goal weight down 4 pounds.

I have a feeling about why I’ve been so off plan this week, but it’s too much to go into now…sleepytime.

PS I’m not completely trippin’, I will be up in a couple hours to go to the gym as scheduled. See?? Ya girl ain’t that crazy!

-2.4. That was the verdict as of yesterday morning.

I actually think I may have hit the 3 lbs. I wasn’t wearing my traditional weigh-in outfit, and the discrepancy between the naked me on the scale at home and the clothed me at WW, makes me think I may have actually lost the 3.

Anyhow, I’m happy and I’m really proud of myself. Over 2 pounds!!! I haven’t lost that much in a week in forever. Aaaand, one more pound and I’ll be down to my lowest weight from last year (I basically plateaued after June 2007 and went up and down +/-10 lbs for the remainder of the year).

So, for this week, since I’m out of school and have nothing to do less to do, my goal is -2.5lbs. And this time, I’ll be sure to wear my usual weigh-in outfit. Also, I’ma try Biggest Loser style exercise and workout more than once a day (on the days I do workout). I’m thinking a walk/jog at least a mile in the afternoon should do it.

Wish me luck!

PS. I’ll update the weigh-in page soon, too.

Morning all!

I come to you live (and barely awake) from the day of my final critique. I still have the extension on that one monstrous, but fun, project that will have me working through my little 2-week break, but it’s better that than my other 3 classes.

On the weight loss front, I found a great WW meeting last weekend. Not that I didn’t like the leaders I had been to before, but the others just weren’t as good as this one I went to Saturday. And the vibe in the room was great, too. They did this energy ball thing—a concept new to me. They take all the nametags from the people in the meeting and make them into a big ball. Whoever takes it I guess makes some sort of commitment to try their hardest to lose more that week.

And guess who took the ball?

I thought it might be fun; the leader suggested 3 lbs, so I’m like “cool.” Let’s jumpstart this thing. Plus, I figured some of the stress from getting ready for critiques might help lose some, too. ha

Anyhow, I think it’s kind of working so far. Come the end of that day, I still had 7 points to eat. SEVEN whole points. Mind you, I’ve gone OVER my points by almost that much some days. And on Sunday, I had 4. Monday, 1. Yesterday, ate all of them without going into my activity points, and that was even with some boredom/I-don’t-wanna-do-homework, unplanned snacking. I’m so proud of myself!

I attribute it to drinking lots of water and not eating out of boredom. Or because I’m tired. After the gym, which kicks my ass consistently at 7am, I go home and walk my dog, make breakfast, take a shower, and am usually sitting down to do homework by 10am. By then, the “itis” (Chappelle’s Show—look it up) combined with tiredness from working out is kicking in and I’m ready for a nap. So instead, I’ll nibble here or there unconsciously to try and stay awake. My trainer told me I’m probably just tired when I do things like that, and I really think she’s right. So, when I get that mid-morning sleepiness, I take a nap for 10-20 minutes, and while I feel like a bum for taking naps so early, it actually does help.

Another small accomplishment: I went to bed last night without having anything after dinner. Granted, dinner (consisting of a homemade 4 oz turkey burger, 5 POINTS, and large baked sweet potato, 4 POINTS) was at around 10, but I didn’t go to bed until 12:30. That’s huge for me. I always seem to want something sweet right after dinner. And it’s hard to fend that off with water, because you don’t wanna be up all night going.

Other than that, I’ve been discovering other weight loss blogs and watching other success stories, like the Today Show’s Joy Fit Club. If you don’t know about it, it’s people that have lost 100 lbs + the good old fashioned way. It starts their new 4th hour segment (10am ET) every Monday. And you can read their backstories here.

Off to make a veggie omelet for breakfast. Wish me luck with the whole 3 lbs challenge this week. Hopefully, I can get to it. If not, no biggie either, just trying to prepare myself for it if I don’t get there.

Super busy, so I’ll make this quick:

I stepped on the scale this morning, after a week of going over my points everyday. No gain; I’m the same as last week. I’ll take that. But we’ll see once I do my official weigh-in tomorrow.
***

Getting a little stressed. Final critiques next Monday and Wednesday. One project won’t be done, and it’ll be my first time in the almost 2 years in my program that I’ll have to ask for an extension. Argh.

***

Everyday since Monday, one half of my brain goes into traditional studio week mode and wants to stop at every fast food joint possible. I mean literally, every. one. One of my favorites is the pepperoni personal pan pizza. You know how there really aren’t Pizza Huts everywhere anymore. Well, I turn the corner and guess what’s there. Yeah, Pizza Hut.

I even mindlessly turned into a Zaxby’s drive-thru. I’ve never eaten there before. I was in a hurry, worried about getting back to my work and literally had to say out loud, “No. You don’t want that. You don’t have POINTS for it.” Crazy, huh?!?!?! What in the hell?! Oh, how engrained this fat lifestyle is in my head. Oh well…

The only thing I might allow myself today is some Thai Cashew Chicken from Mama Fu’s with some brown rice. Light sauce, and I’ll split it in half and eat it for the rest of the day. Or maybe something without nuts. Less fat. Hmmm…we’ll see.

***

I almost blew threw all my extra 35 POINTS for the week b/c I changed my meeting time to Friday online. Your weekly POINTS allowance corresponds to your weigh-in day, so 35 big juicy POINTS at the start of a weekend can be very enticing. Just switched that back to my Mondays with a quickness. I’ll keep going to my Friday meetings though. It’s like a reward at the end of a long week. I like that.

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What else…

Oh, I got a bad cramp in my calf/pulled it Monday at the gym and the pain hasn’t gone away. :-/ Argh.

***

Missed the gym this morning; absolutely needed to get some sleep.

***

Wish me luck.

*sigh*

Today was a horrible day. Not in a life-altering way, but just horrible enough to shake my confidence, lose my focus—and have me sitting here teary-eyed and writing this blog post.

First, I don’t get much sleep; there was a storm and my dog was flipping out. Then I had a random dream about my mother (who has passed away) and I wake up crying.

I’m in grad school and I’ve been working on a project with a partner for the last 8 weeks or so (the entire quarter). Our teacher is always out of town, and he’s “nice” enough to have other creatives sit in, but all we end up doing is regurgitating our idea and never really progressing. He tells us tonight that we’re all over the place and pretty much need to find another concept, or change the crux of our existing concept (which basically means find another concept). So, anyhow, that was a maaaajor disappointment.

Last night at work, I basically get told that another project I’m working on, he doesn’t like and to just use an existing email from another company (that he’s in love with)  and plop our info on it, without changing much of a single element of the layout. Completely unethical. AND you don’t like what I already did and you’re just now telling me??? Thanks, buddy.

So basically, about me, when one thing is wrong, I think about how EEEEVERYTHING in the world is wrong, possibly and probably because of me. It’s unhealthy, I know. But it is an extremely stressful time of the school quarter for me and the slightest thing that goes wrong can just snowball. That, and I’m PMSing anyway lol.

So, after tonight, I kind of break down in the car and the first thing that goes through my head is, “oooo what sounds good to eat??” I drive to my apartment but don’t feel like getting out of the car sobbing, so I drive around. And I drive some more. And I’m thinking about pizza, and the chinese place where I had my last binge, and cheetos puffs, and pizza again, and then I end up at Best Buy. At least I’ll pick up Erykah Badu’s latest. Maybe that will be enough to distract me from eating.

So, I get back in the car and on my way back to the apartment, I pass by Pizza Hut, Chic-Fil-A, Five Guys, Taco Mac, Willy’s, Panera Bread Co., and I’m sobbing even harder now because I want them, but I don’t. I kept telling myself “you’re not really hungry; if it’s not hunger, food won’t fix it…” I go back and forth and back and forth between I’ll just stop at the gas station and get a big diet coke…and cheetos.

So I stop. I head straight to the fountain drinks, fill my cup with ice (I love crunching on it) and get my diet Pepsi. I head straight for the cash register and pay and I’m out of there. I was so proud of myself. So I start crying about that. lol

And now I’m at home, just finishing up 3 slices of turkey bacon (2 POINTS) on high fiber bread (1 POINT) topped with a Laughing Cow wedge (1), and 2 packs of 100 cal Cheez-its (4). I, yet again, went over my points for the day but at least it wasn’t on super bad foods. I had some activity points to use up, too.

And now I’m tired and drained. And I have to fix all the things that my superiors didn’t like.  *sigh* It’s going to be a late night, so let’s hope I still don’t crack.

Oh yeah, almost forgot. So the point of this whole blog was to help in making myself more accountable.  And, you’ll never get to your goals if you don’t state them. That being said I will try to post a goal every week and update on how I’m doing.

So, in trying to carry on last night’s triumphant decision, my goal is to not go out to eat—especially if I don’t know the caloric content of the menu. I often just run out and grab something —usually bad. I have plenty of food around my house (hell, I shop at Costco) so I’m sure I can find something. It’s time to get a little inventive. Wish me luck!

Yes, with an exclamation point.

I’m kind of excited this morning because last night I resisted the urge to go out and buy a big fat burger and fries at Five Guys (my roommate is such an enabler) at about 9:30. Mind you, I was already out of points, and I did end up eating some beanie weenies (6) and half-fried some plantains (4) with fat-free plain yogurt (1.5), but that was better than the 30 points easy I’d have devoured with a Five guys meal. So, anyway, I’m proud of myself!

Worked out this morning; my knees are really getting hit with all these squats. Any recommendations?

Have a great Monday!

Nada.

-0.

On top of all the other downers this week, I don’t lose any weight. Yesterday, I couldn’t wait cuz I really felt like I lost something so I stepped on the scale and at first it said -2, then -0.5, then -1 (I always do best 2 out of 3). I figured I’d lose at least something.

So pissed right now.

I had three Krispy Kreme’s earlier this afternoon.  Two glazed (cuz you know you can never have just one), and one chocolate cake. That chocolate one wasn’t as good as I thought. I know I should’ve stopped because I didn’t really want it, but hey, baby steps…still workin on that one.

:-/

Great start for Day 1 on Core, right? Argh…better day tomorrow. Promise.